I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
