Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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