we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
