We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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