Grow some girl-balls and come out already
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
