i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
