Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The police scanner is talking about you again....
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
