you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
