I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
organizing the empties. That sober.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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