JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
