Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
