I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
