A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
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