i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
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