Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize