Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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