I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
