Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
