So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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