i came on her dog
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
