dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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