He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
