If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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