so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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