I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
