I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
