but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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