so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I need to calm my uterus...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
