saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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