Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Randomize
