my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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