Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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