You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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