I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
