Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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