I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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