so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
