I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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