We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
