The maid of honor just puked.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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