trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
