I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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