today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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