if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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