that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
