Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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