I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Why are your pants in the freezer?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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