Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
