Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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