We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
