At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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