Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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