I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
