he puts the penis in happiness.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
