hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Randomize
