I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
