Tell her she can't have a vagina
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
