After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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