The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
