i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
