what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
