Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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