I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
