You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
