she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
