She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
