So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
