I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
