gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
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